Until You're Here
by nofearonlylove
Summary: She declined the nurse's offer of a refreshment, and then took a deep breath before letting herself into the room that quite literally held the biggest part of her heart within it. Red/Nicky angst. ONESHOT. Please R&R!


**AN: I'm back, back again! This story takes place some time after both Nicky and Red get released from prison. I hope you enjoy this story. Please Review if you do!**

Red always hated hospitals.

Even when she had been in the hospital for the three joys occasions of giving birth to her boys, hospitals made her feel uncomfortable. Death was everywhere in a hospital. Hospitals took people away from their loved ones everyday.

Hospitals made her feel helpless. And right now she wanted to punch every nurse who walked by and smiled at her in the face, and wanted to grab the collar of every doctor that walked by and demand to know what was going on with her Nicky. It had been 2 hours, and she had no idea what was happening.

Yesterday at this time, everything was normal. Everything was okay. Nicky had said she felt tired, and didn't have much of an appetite, but Red chalked it up to nerves because she had gone to a second interview at a counseling center. Just as a receptionist but it was a big deal. Nicky had been out of Litchfield for almost 6 months, and living with Red, at her insistence. For the first time in a long, long time - they were both happy, and content. They had each other, and that's all that mattered.

But this morning, after breakfast, Nicky had come downstairs, not dressed but still in her PJs, looking terrible. She immediately sought Red out, a frightened look in her eyes. Red had asked her what was wrong, and Nicky just shook her head, tears in her eyes. Red put her arm around her and lead her to the sofa, and when they sat down, Nicky looked up at her with those big brown eyes and said _"Ma, I think I'm having a heart attack...this happened...before...I..."_

Red had immediately grabbed her cell phone and dialed 911, just in time because Nicky had all but passed out before the paramedics had arrived. Red had been paralyzed with fear, and now here she was, alone, in the waiting room, impatiently waiting for someone, _anyone_ to give her an update on Nicky's condition.

She suddenly heard a commotion at the Nurse's station, and narrowed her eyes at the familiar voice that traveled loudly into the waiting area. She got up and when she turned the corner, she sighed in annoyance. _Marka._

Red took a deep breath and walked over to her, effectively shutting her up once Marka caught sight of her. For some reason, Marka had the nerve to be jealous of Nicky's relationship with Red, even though she was incapable of giving Nicky the love and support she needed anyway. She looked Red up and down and rolled her eyes. "Ah...Red, is it?"

Red crossed her arms and sighed. "Yes, Marka. Who called you?"

Marka huffed. "None of your business. How is my daughter? What happened?"

Red shook her head, and to her dismay, her eyes filled with tears at the thought of Nicky in this hospital somewhere, without her there to hold her hand and reassure her. "I'm not sure. She was not feeling well and told me she thought she was having a heart attack. I called 911 and we came here. No one has given me an update as to her condition since then." She snarled at the nurse when she said the last sentence. Yes, she might not be Nicky's biological mother, but she was hers, no matter what anyone thought or said.

Marka sighed. "I see." She turned around and began demanding the nurse tell her what was going on, and because of the commotion, they were causing a scene, which in turn caused the doctor that Red recognized as the one who began assessing Nicky's condition when they first arrived to come over.

Before Red could speak, Marka again began causing a scene, demanding to see her child, demanding to know how much drugs Nicky was taking this time, demanding to know if she was going to die or what because she 'had errands' to run. Red wanted to strangle this woman, and she would have if it weren't for the words that suddenly came out of the doctor's mouth.

"Is there a Ms. Galina Reznikov here?"

Red stepped forward, her expression softening. "Yes, that's me. Please, call me Red."

The doctor gave her a small smile but shook her hand. "Ms. Reznikov...uh...Red. You came in with Nicole Nichols, correct?"

Red nods eagerly. "Yes. Is...is she all right?"

Before the doctor could speak, Marka was suddenly waving her finger frantically in his face. "What is your NAME, doctor?"

The doctor cleared his throat. "I'm Dr. Lewis. And you are?"

Marka huffed. "I am Nicole Nichols' MOTHER, Marka Nichols. that's who I am! I demand to know what's going on with my child!"

Dr. Lewis sighed, and had to bite his tongue to keep from snapping at this woman. "Well, according to Nicole's medical records I am not to discuss any of her health issues or medical decisions with anyone but a Ms. Galina Reznikov. If you are not Ms. Reznikov, I would have to kindly request that you step aside so I can discuss Nicole's condition with her next of kin."

Marka was instantly speechless, her mouth dropping open at the doctors brazen declaration. She backed away when the doctor moved towards Red again, her tail between her legs.

Red didn't care about Marka, not about her reaction or how she felt. All she could care about right now was Nicky. She took a deep breath and looked up at Dr. Lewis with tears in her eyes. "I'm her next of kin? Next of kin? Does that mean..." Red couldn't even say the words.

Dr. Lewis put his hand on Red's shoulder, and led her into his office to give them some privacy. She sat down in front of him as he took his seat behind his desk. "Please...what's happening? Is she going to be okay?"

The doctor sighed deeply. "Ms. Reznikov, Nicky has suffered a heart attack. A bypass surgery is necessary to fix the damage caused by the event. Looking at her medical records I see that a few years ago she had this surgery done when she had contracted an infection from a dirty needle. Now, from the blood samples we have taken we do know that she has been clean for some time now, but it seems her heart condition was rapidly deteriorating. Probably from the lack of exercise, lack of proper nutrition and stress she no doubt had to endure when she was incarcerated."

Red couldn't help but snort. He was preaching to the choir with that last statement. She closed her eyes and took a deep, cleansing breath. "Bypass surgery. Okay. Okay...whatever it takes. Just make her better, doctor. Please. She's my baby, you know. My _malyshka_."

The doctor smiled sympathetically at her. "Ms. Reznikov, while Nicky is young you have to know that there is a chance she might not live through this operation. Open heart surgery is extremely high risk, especially the second time around. Before you sign the consent forms, you need to know all the risks. Now, that's not to say I won't do my best, and I have seen many successful cases similar to Nicky's as well."

Red had suddenly turned white as a ghost. She was silent for a few seconds, but looked up at him. "This surgery, it will repair the damage, and she will get better, if it's successful, yes?"

The doctor nodded. "Yes. Nicky should make a complete recovery if all goes well with the surgery."

Red was silent again, then nodded with conviction. "Where are the consent forms?"

The doctor slid three pieces of paper to Red, who looked them over quickly and signed them all. When she was finished, she put the pen down and slid her glasses off of her nose, then looked back at the doctor. "When is the surgery? Can I see her? I mean...before?"

The doctor gets up and helps Red out of his office. "Of course." He motions for a nurse to take Red to Nicky. "We'll be administering the anesthesia in about an hour. You can sit with her until then. She's asleep and probably won't wake up, but I'm sure she will feel you there, Ms. Reznikov...uh...Red."

Red manages a small smile. "Nicky always knows when I'm around, that's true."

The doctor leaves Red with the nurse, who starts to walk her towards the doors on the opposite side of the hallway. She passes Marka on the way out, and for a moment, almost feels sympathy for her. After all, this woman gave birth to Nicky. She was her mother...on paper, anyway. She looks into Marka's eyes and that feeling instantly goes away. Marka's eyes are narrowed dangerously, as though she is plotting some sort of revenge in her head. Red sighs, too tired and too worried about Nicky to care. She immediately thanks whatever deity that is looking down on her for giving Nicky the good sense to name her as Nicky's next of kin. Nicky knew that Red would do right by her, no matter what. Nicky knew that Red loved her.

The nurse suddenly stopped outside of a door, and then let Red in with her pass. She led Red down another corridor, then stopped in front of another door. She smiled gently at her. "There should be a chair in there for you to sit. The doctor will come in when he is ready to take your daughter down for surgery."

Red nods, thanking her quietly. She declined the nurse's offer of a refreshment, and then took a deep breath before letting herself into the room that quite literally held the biggest part of her heart within it.

The room was so silent. It was the first thing Red noticed before forcing her gaze onto the small figure in the middle of the hospital bed. Nicky was pale, and she had an oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. Too many tubes were coming from her arms, her chest. Red had never seen her look so young or helpless before. She looked so small lying there.

Red spotted the chair in the corner of the room and dragged it as close to the bed as she could. She leaned forward, and took Nicky's small hand within both of hers, lifting her fingers to her lips, kissing each one, lovingly, slowly. She closes her eyes, a painful sob suddenly escaping her throat at the thought that this might be the last time she ever got to do this. She shook her head, and gently laid Nicky's hand back down beside her.

She leaned forward and started to play with Nicky's hair. It looked limp, lifeless. How could Nicky have been so full of life only 3 days ago? "Oh, _malyshka_. When this is all over, we're going on a vacation." Her words, meant to be humorous, fell flat and sounded foreign to her own ears. She took a deep breath, wiping her tears away. It was in vain, as more arrived soon after.

She bent her head and leaned even closer, resting her head next to Nicky's on her pillow. "You will pull through this. You will. Because when you wake up, I will be here. And I'll take care of you. Always. Just don't give up on me. I need you, _dorogaya_ *. You'll never know how much." She thought of Marka, and her harsh words, her harsh tone. Something Nicky must have heard her entire life. "You aren't alone anymore and you never will be again." She reached over to run a finger down her face. "I love you. You are the best part of me. You remember that, okay?"

Red just sits with her, her head still resting on Nicky's pillow. She listens to the steading beeping, the machines letting her know that Nicky was still alive, that her heart was still beating. She started to pray, something she hadn't done in many years. If Nicky pulled through this, Red vowed to be a better person. A better mother. For Nicky.

Before she knew it, the doctor came in with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. When Red backed away to give them room, she saw Nicky's eyes suddenly flutter open, and immediately went to her. "Nicky? Malyshka, can you hear me?"

Nicky blinked a few times, and she tiredly moved her head to the familiar, soothing voice. She felt Red's hand caress her cheek, and instantly relaxed. She looked up at Red, and managed a small smile. "You're going to be okay. I'll be here when you wake up. I won't ever leave you. I'm here."

Nicky allowed herself to close her eyes after that. Red was here. She would be okay because Red was here.

Red watched helplessly as they wheeled her daughter away. She wanted to go with them, wanted to watch their every move, monitor their every decision. But she couldn't. Nicky's life was no longer in her hands, and it scared the hell out of her.

She scrubbed her face with her hand and took a deep breath before heading back out to the waiting area.

To her dismay, Marka was waiting for her. Red tried to ignore her advances, but as soon as she opened her mouth, Red was ready for her.

"Listen. You think you can just waltz into our lives and..."

Red put her hand up, a quick movement and fire in her eyes. "Marka. If you don't mind, I just want to be left alone. Nicky is having open heart surgery and I do not want to fight. I'm exhausted."

Marka shook her head. "Well, you are going to listen to what I have to say, God dammit!"

Red's eyes widened. "No, I'm not. Nicky has had to listen to your bullshit her entire life, but I don't. And I'll be damned if I let you make this about YOU, Marka. It's not about you! It's never been about you! All Nicky ever wanted from you was support, and love. When she first came to Litchfield, she came to me, in pain, scared out of her mind when she was detoxing. I held that girl in my arms and yes, I had harsh words for her, Marka. I had harsh words that she needed to hear. But then I just held her, and I told her everything would be okay, that I would help her fight her addiction and she DID. She made it through! Did you ever stop to think that the reason why Nicky kept using and doing the things she did was because all she ever wanted was love and support? Did you?"

At Marka's blank expression, she continued, albeit more calmly. "No, you didn't. Because all you cared about was yourself, Marka. Nicky is a wonderful, wonderful girl. Full of so much warmth and humor, but you never let yourself see it." She sighed. "I feel sorry for you, Marka. Because Nicky is a gift. She's precious and she can't be abused by you any longer. I won't allow it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go call my sons. They will be wondering why I haven't picked up the phone for the last six hours. Go home, Marka. I know you have a lot of errands to run."

Red stood up and left Marka in that waiting room, staring down at her feet, a stricken expression on her face. Red would be damned if she let that woman waste another moment of her time. She'd be damned if Nicky had to deal with her when she woke up.

Because she would wake up. She knew she had Red out here waiting for her, and that was enough for her. It was enough for the both of them.

 **FIN.**

 _*my darling_


End file.
